Sir Smasham Uppe

Emile Victor Rieu (Feb 1887 – May 1972) | English

Good afternoon, Sir Smasham Uppe!
We're having tea: do take a cup!
Sugar and milk: Now let me see –
Two lumps, I think… Good gracious me!
The silly thing slipped off your knee!
Pray don't apologize, old chap:
A very trivial mishap!
So clumsy of you? How absurd!
My dear Sir Smasham, not a word!
Now do sit down and have another,
And tell us all about your brother –
You know, the one who broke his head.
Is the poor fellow still in bed?
A chair – allow me, Sir!… Great Scot!
That was a nasty smash! Eh, what?
Oh, not at all! The chair was old –
Queen Anne, or so we have been told.
We've got at least a dozen more!
Just leave the pieces on the floor.
I want you to admire our view:
Come nearer to the window, do;
And look how beautiful… Tut! Tut!
You didn't see that it was shut?
I hope you are not badly cut!
Not hurt? A fortunate escape!
Amazing! Not a single scrape!
And now, if you have finished your tea,
I fancy you might like to see
A thing or two I've got.
That china plate? Yes, it's worth a lot:
A beauty too… Ah, there it goes!
I trust you didn't hurt your toes?
Your elbow brushed it off the shelf?
Of course: I've done the same myself.
And now, my dear Sir Smasham - no,
You surely don't intend to go?
You MUST be off? Well, come again.
So glad you're fond of porcelain!