David Herbert Lawrence | 1885-1930 | English
from Birds, Beasts and Flowers: Poems
© 1923
WHEN I went into my room, at mid-morning,
Say ten o'clock . . .
My room, a crash-box over that great stone rattle
The Via de' Bardi. ...
When I went into my room at mid-morning
_Why? . . . a bird!
A bird
Flying round the room in insane circles.
In insane circles!
. . . A bat!
A disgusting bat
At mid-morning! . . .
Out! Go out!
Round and round and round
With a twitchy, nervous, intolerable flight,
And a neurasthenic lunge,
And an impure frenzy;
A bat, big as a swallow.
Out, out of my room!
The Venetian shutters I push wide
To the free, calm upper air;
Loop back the curtains. . . .
Now out, out from my room!
So to drive him out, flicking with my white handkerchief:
Go!
But he will not.
Round and round and round
In an impure haste,
Fumbling, a beast in air,
And stumbling, lunging and touching the walls, the bell-
wires
About my room!
Always refusing to go out into the air
Above that crash-gulf of the Via de' Bardi,
Yet blind with frenzy, with cluttered fear.
At last he swerved into the window bay,
But blew back, as if an incoming wind blew him in again.
A strong inrushing wind.
And round and round and round!
Blundering more insane, and leaping, in throbs, to clutch at
a corner,
At a wire, at a bell-rope:
On and on, watched relentless by me, round and round in
my room,
Round and round and dithering with tiredness and haste and
increasing delirium
Flicker-splashing round my room.
I would not let him rest;
Not one instant cleave, cling like a blot with his breast to
the wall
In an obscure corner.
Not an instant!
I flicked him on,
Trying to drive him through the window.
Again he swerved into the window bay
And I ran forward, to frighten him forth.
But he rose, and from a terror worse than me he flew past me
Back into my room, and round, round, round in my room
Clutch, cleave, stagger,
Dropping about the air
Getting tired.
Something seemed to blow him back from the window
Every time he swerved at it;
Back on a strange parabola, then round, round, dizzy in my
room.
He _could_ not go out,
I also realised. . . .
It was the light of day which he could not enter.
Any more than I could enter the white-hot door of a blast-
furnace.
He could not plunge into the daylight that streamed at the
window.
It was asking too much of his nature.
Worse even than the hideous terror of me with my hand-
kerchief
Saying: Out, go out! . . .
Was the horror of white daylight in the window!
So I switched on the electric light, thinking: Now
The outside will seem brown. . . .
But no.
The outside did not seem brown.
And he did not mind the yellow electric light.
Silent!
He was having a silent rest.
But never!
Not in my room_.
Round and round and round
Near the ceiling as if in a web,
Staggering;
Plunging, falling out of the web,
Broken in heaviness,
Lunging blindly,
Heavier;
And clutching, clutching for one second's pause,
Always, as if for one drop of rest,
One little drop.
And I!
Never, I say. . . .
Go out!
Flying slower,
Seeming to stumble, to fall in air.
Blind-weary.
Yet never able to pass the whiteness of light into
freedom . . .
A bird would have dashed through, come what might.
Fall, sink, lurch, and round and round
Flicker, flicker-heavy;
Even wings heavy:
And cleave in a high corner for a second, like a clot, also a
prayer.
But no.
Out, you beast.
Till he fell in a corner, palpitating, spent.
And there, a clot, he squatted and looked at me.
With sticking-out, bead-berry eyes, black,
And improper derisive ears,
And shut wings,
And brown, furry body.
Brown, nut-brown, fine fur!
But it might as well have been hair on a spider; thing
With long, black-paper ears.
So, a dilemma!
He squatted there like something unclean.
No, he must not squat, nor hang, obscene, in my room!
Yet nothing on earth will give him courage to pass the
sweet fire of day.
What then?
Hit him and kill him and throw him away?
Nay,
I didn't create him.
Let the God that created him be responsible for his death . . .
Only, in the bright day, I will not have this clot in my room.
Let the God who is maker of bats watch with them in their
unclean corners. . . .
I admit a God in every crevice.
But not bats in my room;
Nor the God of bats, while the sun shines.
So out, out you brute! . . .
And he lunged, flight-heavy, away from me, sideways, a
sghembo!
And round and round and round my room, a clot with wings,
Impure even in weariness.
Wings dark skinny and flapping the air.
Lost their flicker.
Spent.
He fell again with a little thud
Near the curtain on the floor.
And there lay.
Ah death, death
You are no solution!
Bats must be bats.
Only life has a way out.
And the human soul is fated to wide-eyed responsibility
In life.
So I picked him up in a flannel jacket,
Well covered, lest he should bite me.
For I would have had to kill him if he'd bitten me, the
impure one. . . .
And he hardly stirred in my hand, muffled up.
Hastily, I shook him out of the window.
And away he went!
Fear craven in his tail.
Great haste, and straight, almost bird straight above the Via
de' Bardi.
Above that crash-gulf of exploding whips,
Towards the Borgo San Jacopo.
And now, at evening, as he flickers over the river
Dipping with petty triumphant flight, and tittering over the
sun's departure,
I believe he chirps, pipistrello, seeing me here on this
terrace writing:
There he sits, the long loud one!
But I am greater than he . . .
I escaped him. . . .